Involving the whole family: collecting photos and memories

Why involve the whole family?

Because nobody holds the whole story. You might have the wedding photos, but your aunt has the childhood ones, your brother remembers the caravan holidays and a grandchild has the best recent photo of Grandad laughing. Dementia UK suggests involving other important people, such as the person's children or grandchildren, in compiling a life story, and notes this can create special moments to connect with each other.

It also shares the load. Making a life story book alone, on top of caring, is a lot. Asking each person for a small, specific contribution turns it into something the family does together, and relatives who live far away often welcome a practical way to help.

Who should you ask?

What should you say to relatives?

Keep it short and specific. A vague "send me any photos you've got" usually gets nothing, or three hundred photos. Here's a message you can copy and adapt:

Hi all. We're making a life story book for Mum: a printed book of photos and short memories that she can look through with visitors, and that helps the carers get to know her. Could you each send two or three photos and one short memory by Sunday 14th?

Auntie Jean, anything from when you were growing up would be wonderful. Dave, the caravan holidays? Kids, a recent photo with Nana and a sentence about what you love doing with her.

For each photo, just tell me who's in it, roughly when, and what was happening. Old prints are fine: photograph them flat by a window, no flash. Thank you!

Personal asks work far better than a group appeal, so name people and suggest what each could add. Our list of life story questions has prompts if someone isn't sure what to write.

How do you collect everything without endless chasing?

1. Choose one place for everything

   Pick one place for photos and memories to go: a shared album, a single email address, a WhatsApp group or a life story service with an invite link. One place stops photos getting lost.

2. Make a list of who knows which chapter

   Brothers and sisters know childhood, old colleagues know working life, grandchildren know the grandparent years. Write down who to ask for what.

3. Send one short, specific message

   Explain what the book is for, ask for two or three photos and one short memory, suggest which chapter they could help with, and give a date.

4. Make old prints easy to share

   Ask relatives to photograph prints flat, in daylight, without flash, filling the frame, or offer to collect and copy them yourself.

5. Ask for the story behind each photo

   For every photo, ask who is in it, roughly when and where, and what was happening. A sentence is plenty.

6. Gently remind, once

   A day or two before your date, send one friendly reminder to anyone who hasn't replied. Then work with what you have.

7. Choose, then thank everyone

   Pick the clearest photos for each chapter, and thank everyone who helped, ideally by showing them the pages their photos went into.

How do you copy old printed photos?

You don't need a scanner. A modern phone camera is good enough for a life story book if you take care:

• Lay the print flat on a table near a window, in daylight.
• Turn the flash off to avoid glare, and avoid casting your own shadow.
• Hold the phone directly above the photo, parallel to it, and fill the screen.
• Take the photo out of a glossy frame or album sleeve first if you can.
• Check it's sharp by zooming in before you put the original away.

Write on the back of anything you borrow (lightly, in pencil) so it gets back to the right person.

How do you collect memories as well as photos?

Photos are the easiest way into a conversation (Alzheimer's Society describes music, objects and photos as common prompts for reminiscence), but the stories behind them are what make a book feel like a person. Ask each contributor for one or two sentences per photo, and encourage them to write in your relative's voice: "I loved dancing at the Mecca on a Saturday night." If someone would rather talk than write, a short voice note on WhatsApp is fine; you can turn it into a caption.

Dementia UK suggests videos are a good way for relatives who are seen less often, including those overseas, to contribute. A short video message can sit alongside the book, even if only the words make it onto the page.

How do you choose what goes in?

You'll probably get more than you can use, and that's a good problem to have. For each chapter, choose the photo where faces are clearest, the light is good and the moment means something. Keep the rest in a shared album or memory box.

Be kind about it. If a relative's photo doesn't make it in, tell them why ("we went with the one where you can see Mum's face") and thank them anyway. Extra copies of the finished book can make lovely thank-you gifts for the people who helped.

What about permission and privacy?

• Ask before including photos of other living people, especially children.
• Don't include anything your relative would be uncomfortable with carers or visitors seeing.
• If a relative shares something difficult, consider whether it belongs in the book or in a private note to the care team.
• Be careful about posting the book's pages on social media without the family's agreement.

Which tools make it easier?

A shared photo album or a family WhatsApp group works if someone is happy to download, sort and label everything. Still Me is built for this: you share one invite link, relatives add photos and short memories straight into the right chapter without creating an account, and you see who added what and choose what goes in. The pages lay themselves out, and the printed book arrives on thick, wipe-clean card.